anything of meaning

“…you left the playground a good decade before the bell rang…” the dresden dolls

“how peculiar these nights are
teeming with strangers

the loneliness is a living weight
an invisible companion with no stories
or flaws. it is bored
and argues wordlessly for poisons,
the poisons most kind…
to which I reply
go fuck yourself. “

sarah slean

When you’ve got nothing of your own to write, you might as well take from those that do. I stand before the sea of paper and find myself drained of ink. I swim along the edges and entertain the papercut brigade once more.

“They Tell Me I Have To Get Out Of Bed
They Tell Me I Have To Keep Up My Strength
I’ve Got To Eat Something
I’m Hoping That The Taste Will Kill Me
I Have Agonized To Find A Different Way

And There Is No Soothing For The Boiling Of My Skin
There Is No Comfort Here

So What If I’m Standing Here?
I Still Hurt From My Hair To My Feet
I Know This Is Nothing Now But Once It Was Everything

They Tell Me I Have To Get Up And Dressed
They Tell Me I Have To Start Getting Out
I’ve Got To Keep Busy
Maybe Exhertion Will Do Me In
I Have Been Defiled A Thousand Different Ways

There Is No Pressure For The Hemorraging
There Is No Healing Me

So What If I’m Walking Now?
I Still Burn Every Time That I Breathe
I Know This Is Nothing Now But Once It Was Everything

It Rips Me From My Dreams
I Swear I Hear Your Voice
I Run From Room To Room To Find You

So What If I’m Walking Now?
I Still Burn Every Time That I Breathe
I Know This Is Nothing
Nothing
To Me This Is Everything”

Tapping the Vein .:. Everything

The sky came down that day. We were caught off guard and faltered. The grey of weight was all encompassing, but that was just the end. I couldn’t recall whether the sun still shone, but we had those flashlight eyes of defeat to see through the demise of life. I don’t remember what you said. I know that the ice age stopped all sound. The world flickered out of view. We had never wanted to see it anyways.

These days become a painful waste. We sit, we stuff, we despair. I despise. I can’t stand here one more second knowing that this is all there will ever be.

Write?

Right!

Wrong.

I’m back at a desk with a computer in front of me all day for the next few months. At least I get to look out windows. That’s an exciting change of pace from any other job I’ve had. It’s a shame that all I can see are some trees and the backside of a warehouse. It’s better than nothing. I also get a laptop. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to work from home, but it’s something I may check into in a month or so.

Happy Fall, go out and catch some leaves, cider, and pumpkins. Pumpkins will get away with you what with those nubby legs they run around on.

I made/ wrote this a year ago today: http://poejects.shinefire.com/10-19-05/index.html

It’s funny how things sound to you after the fact.

on a razorbalde sidewalk, but not yet.

Sometimes it takes the smallest things to bring back some source of centering in your life. I haven’t had a rug in my bedroom since I moved 3 months ago. Apparently, that affected me. I bought one yesterday to go next to my bed and ended up dancing on it for several minutes. Walking on it is like getting a foot massage. That’s a nice way to greet your feet when you wake up in the morning. Now, if I could wake up to a full body massage….that would really be something. But, no, I woke up to 2 cats meowing to be let into my room for morning snuggles at 6:30 am. It’s a good thing I like them both so much.

I think I missed a very important class growing up on how to be a girl. I don’t know how to style hair, I don’t really know how to apply makeup, I don’t care about shopping or shoes, I think babies are repulsive, I don’t want to get married, I hate romantic comedies, and I hate the color pink. Someone must have replaced half of my second X chromosome with part of a Y.

I ponder this as I listen to a gaggle of women going on and on about a coworker finding out the sex of the baby she’s pregnant with. I honestly couldn’t care less.

whatever he says must be ok,
I can’t hear him anymore
going into shock off and run
can’t stay with these scars
the daggers shredding paper
i caught the backseat plague
dying on the inside
trapped on the out
lock aim and fire
sweet cannonball of destruction
too much rage and hatred,
i kept his number anyways

“what was it that you said that changed the world? you were so far behind, nobody heard…” .:Carina Round:.

I guess I’ll be on my way.

By the 25th, I shall escape cubicle hell.

And, then somone else can be a Photoshop slave for halfwits.

“Hey, can you rename these 30 files for me?” No
“Hey, can you redo these 200 product specification sheets?” No
“Hey, can you sit in a cube all day and hate your life?” Yes, I’ve been doing that since September, 2005. And, I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here.